A true story from the sixties when my wife and I were newly weds

Some of the details may
not be correct because it happened so long ago and because both my
wife and I were hypnotised. In fact I still wonder how much I can
trust my memories. Sometimes it feels as if there’s a memory just
below the surface that I can’t quite reach and I wonder if this is a
sign of anything. Hypnotism does strange and weired to ones memory,
or so it seems to me. It’s as if you can remember but can’t
remember at the sae time and I know that doesn’t make sense but there
it is. Maybe someone out there knows more than I do and can
enlighten me?

Anyway, it was a long time ago and if I worried about the events for
many years afterwards and denied they ever happened, well, I don’t any
more. Writing this down has been a cathartic experience and even
now I find the events strangely erotic. Poor memory, artistic
license and a need to preserve anonymity have combined to demand a few
subtle changes, but let me start at the beginning.

Growing up in Scotland in the 50’s I thought I could do anything. The
world was my oyster as they say. I don’t remember any of the
austerity other people mention when they talk about those post war
times in England. Our table was never empty. I was always a
rather frail child and hated sports, but more than that, I knew that
one day the family estate and wealth would be mine. I was sent to a
famous boarding school and was duly accepted into Cambridge.
However, before I left father took me into his study and dealt me
quite a blow. He told me the family money was disappearing fast.
He was doing what he could, but with the estate costing such a lot to
maintain and some shareholdings now nearly worthless I needed to plan
my life on the basis that I would have to work for my living.
“Luckily your clever enough Max,” he said, (he clearly had read my
school reports after all), “so I’m not going to worry about you I
know going to do well. But I wanted you to know and trust your old
enough to keep family business a secret.”

It was a bitter blow and dashed my plans to party my university years
away. Suddenly I worried about the furure and I didn’t enjoy
university as I otherwise might. Instead I studied hard. But I
did well and afterwards got a job in the city (father pulled few
strings). This was the swinging sixties and life in London was
clourfull and fun. The allowance I received from father was a
pittance but the family name helped. I didn’t realy enjoy parties
and came to realise I wasn’t the social animal I wanted to be. I met
my friends individually rather than is groups or as a crowd. And I
never saw much of the sexual liberation they talk so much about now,
although I did see the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, and Bob Dylan all
in the same year

Joan was the department boss’s secretary and had been there a few
months before I arrived. She was 18 at the time and turned more
male heads than Jackie Stewart crossing the winning line at Brands
Hatch. I guess every male in the department had asked her out but
most got turned down. This may have been the swinging sixties but
Joan was certainly not leading the way and burning her bra!
Eventually I also asked her out and to my surprise she accepted.
And to cut a long story short we fell in love and were married 18
months later.

I got a lot of ribbing at work. Some guys were so jealous they
claimed she only married me for my name and money but I knew this was
not the case. Joan was a virgin when we married and we both found
sex difficult. Not the liberating experience the underground press
kept going on about and which I had secretly hoped for. Joan
thought lust and physical desire was a bad thing and had difficulty
relaxing although she was keen enough to start with. And whilst not
a virgin I wasn’t exactly experienced.

I was enjoying my work and was progressing up the ladder. Of course,
after we were married Joan handed in her notice so she could set up
our home. But her boss, BJ, pursuaded her to stay on for three
months and see a special project through to completion. There were a
lot of new ideas coming out of America and BJ was arranging a special
conference for the company’s 40 or so up-and-coming managers like me.
As BJ’s secretary, Joan was also coming to the conference which meant
she would be the only female employee there. This would never
normally have been allowed but given that I was going to be there it
was considered to be acceptable. Mind you, it still provoked a lot
of ribbing and crude references, but I guess the guys were just

The conference was in a country hotel in the Home Counties and each
evening, after a hard day’s work, we were expected to dress formally
for dinner. This was followed by some entertainment arranged by
BJ’s side-kick Vic. There was skiffle band and a comedian on Monday
and Tuesday which, which were pretty dire. On Wednesday I was
encouraged to take Joan out to the cinema and the next day I heard
that the evenings entertainment had been a stripper. And on
Thursday evening there was a hypnotist which is where this story
really begins.

It was hilariously to start with. The hypnotist picked people from
the audience and soon had them pretending to be farm animals and the
like. Dr Hip (yes, believe it or not that was what he called
himself) had a row of chairs to one side of the stage and an area
screened off from the audience. He would start to hypnotise people
in the chairs and then take them behind the curtain for a few minutes.
Often he would leave the subject behind the screen while he explained
some detail to the audience. I think every one of the audience must
have sat on one of his chairs that evening although only about � where
asked to go behind the screen. The funny thing is that although I
know I went behind the screen I can’t remember what happened there.

As the evening wore on things got naughtier and more riskay. I
remember pretending I was a dog trying to fuck a chair while the
audience rolled in the isles with laughter. At the time I didn’t
think I was hypnotised at all. In fact I was certain of it. I was
just going along with the fun. But in the subsequent weeks I thought
about it a lot and decided I must have been hypnotised otherwise I
would not have allowed what happened. Things got raunchier and Dr
Hip kept on getting Joan up on stage. He started by making her
think she was an Egyptian dance – weaving her hands and body in a slow
sensual rhythm. She was wearing a long evening dress with a slit
from her waist down so you occasional got a flash of thighs. The top
was low but not indecently by todays standards and anyway she covered
herself with a Paisley shawl. Dr Hip suggested she removed it and
when she did the whole room murmered it’s approval. Now everyone
could clearly see her beautiful figure and thrusting breasts – tightly
moulded by the dress.

Then Dr Hip put Joan was in trance and told her he was a sex
specialist and started asking about her sex life.
“Does your husband satisfy your sexual needs?”
Bloody hell, I thought, that’s pushing it a bit but Joan seemed to
stumble and unable to answer.
“OK then” Dr Hip continued, “Do you satisfy your husbands needs?”
Joan started to get upset and embarressed. “I want to but�.” Her
voice faded away.
He asked what she meant and she blurted out, “Des wants me to do
things but I can’t. I want to please him but I don’t know how.
What should I do?”
I don’t think Dr Hip had expected this. All the other guys sat
there wondering what he would do next. I was stunned. I knew Joan
was anxious about sex – but this! I was stunned because what she was
saying was true. As he got more details out of her I just wanted to
die but felt powerless to do anything in a roomful of my colleagues.
I’ll have to pretend it was all a put on and she made it up, I
“You came to me so you want my help? Is that right my dear?” Dr Hip
was saying
“Oh, yes please Dr.”
“Well then my dear come with me.” And he led her behind the screen.
He motioned to the audience to stay quiet and when they returned a few
moments later Joan seemed diffeent somwhow.
She was clearly oblivious to the audience but still seemed
“You look embarressed, my dear” the Dr comented but Joan just loked
at the floor.
“You feel arroused, don’t you?”
Joan just nodded her head.
“That’s good. It means we can start. Let’s start by you showing me
how you might undress for your husband. Pretend your undressing and
I’ll be able to give you some pointers.”

So Joan started undressing, or miming the process. Although it was
only miming the way she rolled her stocking down her thighs caused a
great stir in the audience. The next few minutes passed as Joan
continued to undress then dress in her nightie. Dr hip kept on
encouraging her to feel sexual and arroused.

Next he asked for some volunteers. Most of the guys stood up en-mass
and he chose four or five who he had already hypnotised. Soon they
were under again and he made them think they where being given a
blowjob by a beautiful women. It was both funny and erotic seeing
these men standing there moaning with delight. He told them that
whenever they heard his voice it would sound like a sexy female voice
and they would get more aroused. Some seemed unsteady on their feet
and one guy even had a wet patch appear on his trousers after which Dr
Hip told them not to reach orgasm. (The guy who came in his pants
never lived it down.) He then asked Joan to kneel down before him
which she did. He held an empty beer bottle in front of her mouth
and told her to pretend it was her husbands cock and suck it. He
then proceeded to give her advice and encouragement. He peppered
his conversation with instruction to feel randy.

And Joan responded. She was licking the end of the bottle with so
much passion my cock was rock hard in my pants. When he bored of
that Dr Hip brought the guys forward in turn and had them take his
place using two of their fingers to imitate an erection instead of the
bottle. So Joan knelt in front of the guys, her face inches from
there groins and sucked their fingers. I knew Joan and the men were
hypnotised and trusted Mr Hip to keep things decent but some of the
all-male audience was softly chanting, “Take your clothes off, take
your clothes off” and my cock was hard in my pants. I had never seen
her look so sexy and willing.
When it was Vic’s turn to have his fingers sucked, (because he was
also in the line up) he started caressing Joan’s head and neck. When
Dr Hip’s back was turned he took his fingers out of her mouth and
started feeling her breast and pushing his fingers down inside her low
dress. All the audience saw Joan gasp and arch her breasts to his
finger. Dr hip saw the audiances reraction and turned round but by
then Vic had his fingers back in Joan’s mouth.

I think Vic said something to Dr Hip which afterwards made me think he
wasn’t realy hypnotised at all – he was after all the person who had
arranged this entertainment. Anyway, the Dr asked him to lie on the
floor with a bottle sticking up from between his legs. He told Joan
to kneel in front of him and suck his cock (the bottle) and she
obeyed. It was incredibly pornographic but so sexy. From where I
was sitting I could see her heavy breasts rocking in the confines of
her low dress as she lowered her lips over the bottle between Vic’s
thighs. I was obvious his cock was hard. Dr Hip was incouraging
her and put his hands on her hips getting her to rock backwards and
forwards. Then he positioned himself behind her and simulated fucking
her from behind. Throughout all this he continued to tell her how
sexy she was feeling and how good she felt by “pleasing” her husband.

That was the shows climax (excuse the pun) and as they left all the
guys glanced at me trying to hide their errections. Vic must have
told Dr Hip Joan’s husband was in the audience because he sought me
out for a chat. He wanted to make sure I was not offended and
although I was rather shocked I did think it helpful to say anything.
He seemed a nice guy and when I left everyone else had gone apart from
Joan who was waiting for me.

Joan and I hardly spoke the next day – as if we were both embarressed.
That evening we were due to go out at 6.30, but as the bus arrived BJ
called and asked her to stay behind as they still had some work to
finish and needed her secretarial skill – this was way before
computers. She apologised to me and hurried off. For some
reason I didn’t want to go out alone – even through the rest of the
guys where un-partnered. I sneaked up to our room and ordered a
meal in my room pretending I was ill. Later I went to see if Joan
was working at her typewriter and saw her in the dining room. She
was with BJ and Vic and they were just leaving. I ducked out of
sight and heard Joan complaining.
“Don’t you think it’s too late to work. I’ve had a bit to much to
drink” She was slurring her vowels somewhat.
“OK, but the last thing we’ve got to do is to talk about what happened
last night. We had better go upstairs to the lounge.”
“What about last night?” Joan suddenly sounded anxious.
“We’ll talk about it upstairs”
I heard them climbing the stairs. The lounge was probably the private
suite overlooking the lake that the senior managers had rented for
relaxation. I was suddenly curious and wanted to know what BJ
wanted to say. So I followed them, eased out the fire escape and
crept round the balcony to the French windows of the lounge which were
slightly ajar in the hot summer’s night. There was a small window at
head hight and I found I had a pretty clear view. My heart was
pounding as I watched and wondered whatbthe hell I was doing spying on
my wife and boss.

The BJ and Vic where sitting on chairs facing Joan who stood swaying
slightly as if drunk. She looked rather anxious and unsure what was
happening. She looked very beautiful in the pale yellow summer
dress she was wearing with a cardigan over the top.
“Did you know I was planning on promoting Max?” BJ asked.
Joan was startled, ” Hey, No, but I’m sure he’ll be pleased.”
“Mmmm�.You had better call me “Sir” for the moment if that’s OK.
And did you know I may have to sack him for what happened last night?”
“No..” Joan’s hands flew to her mouth aghast. “No sir, You can’t
sack him. What happened last night?”
“Don’t you remember your behaviour after dinner.”
“It was only harmless fun.” Joan pleaded
“Well we’re here to investigate what happened and if you satisfy us
then I have the authority to let the matter rest. Is that all
“Oh Yes. But you can’t sack him �. please.”
“Must I remind you to call me “Sir?” BJ said sternly
“Sorry sir, but you can’t sack him, sir.”
“Well we’ll see. That’s what I want to investigate. I want to go
through what happened when you went on to the stage and we’ll take it
from there. Are you going to co-operate?”
“Yes sir, of course, what can I do?”
“Well, last night you started by dancing on the stage, didn’t you?”
“Yes I think so sir.” Joan was very hesitant. “Dr Hip asked me to.”
“Show us” Vic interrupted, “Show us how you dance.”
“What here.” Joan sounded surprised.
“Yea, you danced in from of everyone last night, so show us again

Slowly and hesitantly Joan started dancing to herself, swaying to an
unheard rhythm. “I danced like this.” She said.
“And then Dr Hip said the words ‘Blue Pyjamas’ didn’t he?” This was
BJ again.
“Yes sir” she paused, “can I stop now?”
“No, not yet. I want you to dance slowly and sensually like last
night. Imagine you’re wearing Blue pyjamas.”
“Don’t say that sir.”
“Say what.”
“Blue Pyjamas.”
“Why not?”
“Oh, it makes me feel funny and hot. Can I stop dancing now?”
“No, you’re not dancing properly. I want to do this properly. And
as your hot you had better take your cardigan off so we can see your
blue pyjamas. You weren’t wearing that last night.”
Joan didn’t know what to do. She looked confused as she swayed
gently in front of her audience. Then looking resigned she slowly
undid the buttons and slipped the cardigan off her shoulder. It
was then that the two men realised just how sexy her little summer
dress was.
“Wow!” someone said.

I know it was a long time ago and fashions change but let me try and
describe her dress. It was in a pale yellow colour whichclung in
just the right places and in the gloom of the room, seemed to emphasis
the thrusting of her breasts, the flatness of her thin waist, and
flaring of her hips. It was backless with the cotton coming
round under her arms, over her breasts and then fastening behind her
back. There was a deep V at the front showing her cleavage and
some internal structure which acted like a bra to contain and hold her
firm breasts. Finally it was short. Probably not as short as the
latest craze of mini-skirts but certainly above the knees.

Somehow I knew that the words “Blue Pyjamas” where the words Dr Hip
had used the previous night when he wanted people to feel arroused.
Hearing the words again was clearly having it’s effect on Joan but it
was also effecting me. I felt my cock getting hard and soon I had a
raging boner. Inside the room Joan was still dancing in front of BJ
and Vic except now she looked hot and flustered and was gasping and
pleading with BJ.
“Oh, please can I stop now, sir?”
“No, you’re not dancing properly. (He sounded exasperated) Do it
like you did last night. You must let yourself go and relax, or
we’ll be here all night. That’s it, raise your hands in the air
and caress yourself. Remember your blue pyjamas?”
Joan obeyed.
“Did you feel all hot and sexy last night Joan?”
“He made me.”
“And you feel hot and sexy now, don’t you?”
“Yes” It was no more than a whisper.
It felt as if the arousal and tension in the room was pouring out of
the open window and over me. I was rubbing myself through my
trousers. I was so hard it hurt.

BJ was moving on. “Tell me my dear, what did you do next. Was it
learning how to suck a guys cock or how to strip.”
Joan didn’t know what to say.
“Come on, speak up but don’t stop dancing yet” This was an
interruption from Vic.
“Learning to undress, sir. But it was only a game”
“And that’s all were going to do now. I want you to play that game
again – for us. So show us what you learnt.”
“Just do it. Show us how you undress” BJ demanded and after a pause
Joan started slowly miming the process of removing her dress.

Vic interrupted again. “No. When you did this last night, did it
feel real to you, as if you really where taking your clothes off?”
“Yes sir, but it was different then.”
“Whether you were or weren’t, the guy’s we spoke to seemed to think
you really took your clothes off and if that’s what it felt like
yesterday, that’s what your going to do for us now. Do you understand
blue pyjamas.”
“Please don’t say that.” She whispered meekly as she stood there
looking beautiful, confused and lost, staring from BJ to Vic. She
was flushed and her breathing was ragged – punctuated with gasps and
moans. She stood there not knowing what to do.

Vic got up and turned her sideways so her back was towards me.
“You feel all sexy don’t you”
“Yes, I’m sorry I can’t help it.”
“Do you want Des to get the sack?”
“Oh no, no, please no.”
“Then imagine your blue pyjamas and show us how you took your dress
off last night.. Here, I’ll start you off.”
And he undid the two buttons in the small of her back. Joan gasped
and flinched as the first one popped but Vic wasn’t finished. His
hands went to her neck and swiftly undid the clasp which kept the
whole dress up. Joan’s hands clasped at her breasts to stop the
material falling off and Vic turned her round again so she was facing
her two man audience again.
“Now carry on show us what you learnt yesterday.”

Joan looked close to tears but she sniffed them back and slowly
started to dance again – gently moving her body from side to side.
She lowered the dress exposing more and more of her breasts. I could
see her internal struggle, confussed and arroused, wondering what to
do. Then she lowered the dress some more and both her breasts
bounced free. Jesus, she looked hot. Here was my wife
exposing herself to my boss and a collegue.
BJ was urging her to “image your blue pyjamas and let go” and she
seemed to be obeying him as she wiped a tear away and slowly let the
dress fall over her buttocks to the floor. She was dancing in
front of these two guys wearing nothing but her white knickers which
where tight round her firm buttocks and hugged her venus mound.
Her breasts slightly larger than usual as if she was arroused and the
sensual way she danced seemed to confirm this. I had never seen my
wife look so sexy.

She danced like this for a moment and seemed to close her eyes for a
while – untill BJ spoke up again. “That’s beautiful, but now your
knickers please.”
Joan’s eyes opened wide and she pleaded silently for a moment, biting
her lower lip. Then giving up any protest she started gently easing
the waistband over her buttocks. Slowly she lowered them down her
thighs. They fell the last bit as she stepped out of them and
continued her dancing – now completely naked. Even I had never
seen my wife completely naked in full light before but I loved the
feel of her body and watching her made me want to hold her and feel
her all over. I wanted to open her slender thighs and thrust my
cock inside her – but of course all I could do was feel myself. I
didn’t dare reveal myself.

BJ was talking again. “If I heard correctly, the next thing you did
was learn to suck a guy’s cock is that right?”
“Yes, but it was only a bit of fun.”
“Well that’s all we’re going to do here, have a bit of fun, as you
show us what you did. Now on your knees please.”

BJ had taken her by the arm and showed her where to kneel. The
sight of of my naked wife being made to kneel in front of this man was
both humiliating and errotic. She looked up at him, her firm
breasts bouncing gently. He thrust two fingers in her mouth telling
her to suck him. But Vic had other ideas. He quickly removed his
trousers and lay on the floor holding his hands over his pants where
his errect penis bulged. He stuck two fingers in the air
imitating his errection.
“Come on over here and let yourself go.” He ordered.
Joan had no energy to argue. BJ virtualy forced her to go on all
fours over Vic and it looked as if it was taking all her energy just
kneel there, her face over his groin.
“Now show us your passion.” BJ instructed Joan as she lowered her
head and kissed Vic’s upright fingers. “That’s right, now let his
cock slide deep into your mouth.”
Joan moved her lips to the tip of his fingers and lowered her mouth
until she seemed to gag and pulled away again. BJ was kneeling
beside her.
“Now,” he said, “don’t just kiss his cock, go down below his knees and
kiss your way slowly up,” and he pushed her head down to kiss his
She moved down to his calf and started kissing them, slowly moving up
his legs again.
“That’s it, let yourself go. Be passionate. Your so turned on you
can hardly control yourself.”

God, I remember how she looked – naked on all fours. She was
nearly square on to my window and I could see her heavy breasts
hanging down and her round rump BJ was holding her thin waist and
caressing her back, running his hand from the small of her back over
her round buttocks. He slid his hand down her thighs just missing
her exposed pussy. Then he slid his hand between her knees and
parted them.
“You need to brace yourself and keep your balance.” He told her by
way of explanation. She lifted herself to say something but he
pushed her head back down.
“Don’t talk, concentrate on the job in hand. Maybe you’re not
feeling sexy enough so think blue pyjamas” and he continued to repeat
the mantra, “blue pyjamas, blue pyjamas” over and over again.
He slid a hand beneath to her hanging breasts and cupped one,
squeezing and caressing it. Joan has very sensitive breasts and
immediately she started moaning loudly and the movement of her head
between Vic’s knees became more passionate. Then Vic who still had
his hands over his groin slipped his errect cock out of the leg of
his knickers which stood there proudly and nakedly erect.

Joan was clearly unaware of this development as she continued kissing
her way up Vic’s thighs. “Jesus” I thought and I also took my
cock out and started to slowly pump it.

BJ still giving her instructions but now he to was removing his
trousers – and pants. As he turned round I saw he had one of the
largest cock I had ever seen – long and thick. It waved about as he
moved, it’s large bubous head looking obscenly menecing. He stood
straddling Joan’s kneeling body and bent to caress her breast. I
think he was pinching her nipples because every now and again her
twitched and let out a deep “Ooh.” She seemed oblivious the the
fact that both Vic and BJ now had there errect cock out.

Vic had his hand on Joan’s head guiding her and she can only have been
inches away when she realised his fingers had been replaced by his
cock. I heard her moan saying “No, no” and there was a brief
struggle as she tried to pull away but BJ bent to squeeze heavy
breasts and Vic held her head firmly against his hardness. “That’s
right, kiss it.” He demanded.

It seemed Joan had no resistance left and let her lips rise up the
length of his cock kissing and licking it . BJ with his massive,
flapping errection was fondling Joan’s breasts and running his hand
over her waist and rump.
“That’s right,” Vic said, “now take me into your mouth.”
“N�.mmmm” Joan’s futile protest gave way as Vic pushed Joan’s lips
over his cock.

“Let yourself go. Relax.” BJ instructed and holding her by the waist
he started rocking her backwards and forwards so her lips to rise up
and down Vic’s cock. Joan slipped his cock out of her mouth and
started to pump him by hand but this was not to Vic’s pleasure.
“Don’t use your hands.” He demanded.
Then BJ who was now positiond right behind her moved in closer and
wiped the tip of his cock up the slash of her sex. “Use you mouth.”
He ordered and Joan nodded her acceptance and at the same time waved
a hand behind her to move his cock away from her cunt. But BJ
pushed her hand away telling her to suck Vic’s cock and continued
rocking her backwards and forwards except now he had the tip of his
fat cock pressed against her sex.
This continued for a few moments and then BJ seemed to get a firmer
hold on her waist.
“Ohhh��pleeeeeesseeee,” she gasped. Then loudly in urgent
desperation, “No. stop your going inside me.” As if BJ’s thrusts
where a mistake or accident.
“Nooooo.. Agh�.. You’re pushing inside me, please.”
BJ was continuing with his rhythmic thrusts and I could see his fat
bloated member forcing her open. He pushed her legs further apart
and gripping her waist pulled her bodily on to his hard erection.
“Oh my God, Ah�. Your big, your big. Ohhhhhhh..”her moaning faded
as I saw him sinking into her depth.
She had given up trying to suck Vic and seemed to have collapsed with
her mouth over his cock as BJ pushed his member all the way home.
Then he started slow deep thrusts and Joan just groaned each time he
thrust back into her depth. God how he fucked her, slowly building up
speed until he was slaming into her and she was shouting things like
“Oh my God”. Vic’s cock erupted into her face and he pushed her back
down onto his cock to swallow his cum but BJ continued pounding into
her untill he too came and nearly collapsed on top of her.

It took a few minuted for them all to recover. BJ and Vic were the
first on their feet and I watched as the two of them dressed. I had
cum over the wall and hoped no-one had heard my groan which I had
tried to stop. BJ and Vic where talking in low voices and Vic
looked over to my window and I ducked down. Then, I heard BJ
calling. “Des” he called, “You can come out now Des,” and he
calmly walked through the French windows onto the the balcony and
smiled at me. I was stunned. I wanted to die I was so
embarressed. I had nowhere to hide. What could I do?
“We’ve taught her a few tricks for you,” he said as he led me back
into the room. “but don’t hesitant to talk to us again if you want us
to teach her anything else. Come on Vic.” And with that they both
left the room.

I immediately went to help my wife get up and dressed but I didn’t
know what to say to her. What would she think, I mean, by not
resusing her would she think I had arranged, or what? We hurried to
our room where Joan locked herself in the bath for an hour. As we
climbed into bed Joan was nervous. “I’m sorry Des.” She said.
“So am I.” I replied, “but lets not talk about it.”
She hugged me as if to say thanks and we drifted off to sleep. Well,
actually I lay awake for hours before I could get to sleepand in the
morning she was up really early – before I woke. Slowly, over the
next few days things between us went back to normal, but we never
talked about that evening although I often thought about it and
wondered what I should have done.

Joan never went back into the office and I got my promotion, although
I had no idea what part BJ played in it. Vic was asked to transfer
to the Manchester office and as the weeks went on I relaxed thinking
that at least what had happened was in the past and couldn’t happen
again – but I was wrong.