She was cold, uncomfortable and a little embarrassed;
but she was mostly proud of the fact she’d actually
gone through with it this time. Twice before in the
past month she’d had the opportunity and desire, but
she just couldn’t, but this time, this time she would
not go home feeling like a coward and a prude.
Brenda was the thirty-two year old mother of three.
Until last year, maybe even six months ago, that had
been her whole view of herself. Sure she was house-
wife, church member, even garden club president, but
still the overarching feeling was that her life
revolved around being a mother of three. To be honest,
she loved being mom and her life had been busy and she
had felt fulfilled.
She had even resisted when her husband suggested that
with their youngest in school she should go back to
college and finish her degree. She’d dropped out when
she was pregnant with their first, she had been twenty
two and she had finished three years of an elementary
education degree at Baylor.
She had first just skipped one year after marriage,
intending to go back and finish before they started a
family, but, things happen. Only rarely did it bother
her that she did not finish, but she loved every minute
being a mother. When Connie, their youngest, started
first grade last year she’d begun to think about
finishing and it had taken her the rest of that year to
get through the process of resuming her education.
It had been 1963 when she had left Baylor, a (then)
conservative Baptist college. It was the fall of 1973
and the world was very much a different place,
especially on the campus of University of Texas at
Arlington (UT-A) where she was now enrolled. She had
decided to pursue anthropology rather than to continue
to train to be a school teacher. Her classes in the
fall had proven not to be a great academic challenge,
she had always been a good student, but the core values
were challenged, no assaulted, nearly every day in
class by her professors.
She had taken a philosophy course, a sociology course,
a literature class and a course in world religions that
first semester (in addition to introduction to
statistics and Ancient Eastern History). Literally
every day something about her religious views, her
moral views or her political views were challenged. For
the first few months she resisted, and finally, in late
October she went to her Philosophy teacher, a Dr.
Valerie Driscole, and poured out her concerns. She’d
told her she wanted to continue school, but did not
like her values being attacked every day. Dr. Drisole’s
response was kind, direct and changed her life.
“Brenda,” she said quietly. “I can’t tell you what to
believe, but what I can tell you is that if your
beliefs are worth having they will stand up to an
honest intellectual examination. You are a bright
woman, a very bright woman from what I’ve seen, so
rather than shutting off the challenges to your
beliefs, take this as an opportunity to affirm what you
believe by subjecting them to the challenges your
teachers are giving you. If you are right in your
views, they will easily stand up to scrutiny, but you
to be intellectually honest you must be willing to
accept if you find your views do not stand up to the
Brenda had taken that challenge home and then back to
class the next day. Sitting in Sociology she, for the
first time, really considered what Dr. Hughes, had to
say, though it was very much different from what she’d
By the end of the first semester at UT-A, she knew deep
in her heart that her Southern Baptist view of the
world was not passing the instinctual challenge very
well. She didn’t say anything to her family, but to a
few friends she’d met in class she begun to open up.
She surprised herself that over the four weeks between
semesters, she found her self more comfortable going
out with her new, younger, college friends, than her
friends from church or the Garden Club. When her
children were also out of school it was easy to go back
to her old lifestyle, but on the Monday after New
Years, when the kids were back in school, she called up
Millie and they had lunch.
Millie had been in two of her classes in the fall
semester, and like Brenda, she was a little older than
most of the other students and they had hit it off
right from the start. Millie was unlike anyone Brenda
had ever known in any sort of personal way. Prior to
her starting school, just Millie’s appearance would
have been enough to keep Brenda at a distance. Until
the heat had broken in October, she wore the same
ratty, very short, cut-offs and the same two or three
little halter tops nearly every day.
In the fall she went to a couple of equally worn hip
hugger, big bell jeans and tee-shirts and when it was
cold as navy pea-coat. And from what Brenda could see,
she didn’t even own a bra; just letting her, not-
insubstantial, boobs just hang out there. On top of
that, she was Jewish. That would have been enough on
it’s own to make her exotic.
Brenda, for all her conservative views, was very
sociable. Her winsome personality coupled with her
natural physical attractiveness, had always made sure
she was never a wallflower in any group. By the third
week of class she was a regular member of the lunch
group which was mostly girls ten years Brenda’s junior.
Millie, however, was in her late twenties, so just a
few years younger than the others and that, along with
the fact they shared both a Monday-Wednesday-Friday
class and a Tuesday-Thursday class and they were both
returning to college after a long hiatus in their
schooling was what initially brought this unlikely
friend into her life.
Millie was very talkative and all too glad to talk
about herself. Like Brenda, she’d been a middle-class
suburbanite and went off to college naive and, as she
liked to say “with a head completely devoid of
reality.” She’d left her home in upstate New York in
the fall of 1967 to study psychology at University of
Buffalo. By the spring of her sophomore year she was a
sophomore the naive eighteen year old had become a
radical twenty year old. The campus riots in March and
the violent police retaliation had pushed her firmly
into a full fledged radical and though she completed
her second year at Buffalo, when summer came she left
New York for ever.
While Brenda was busy raising her children in the early
70’s, Millie was leading a very different kind of life.
It was after a test in October that she gave this
narrative. “I left New York and with my parents
believing I was going on a study trip, I went to
Europe. I was sure the US was soon to fall into anarchy
and so I wanted to get away, and so I went to London,
then on to the south of France. London was amazing.
Unlike hippies here, in London they dressed up in
amazing clothes, ruffles and colors and style was so
in. It was all so fun, and for me, best of all they
“It was all about just letting go and having a good
time. None of the heavy talk about the war or civil
rights, just smoking hash in hookahs and making it with
a new person, or two, every night. For like a month I
just carried my back pack to one flat after another
going from one party to the next. I don’t think I slept
in the same bed, or with the same guy more than two or
three times from the first of June till I went to
France at the end of July.”
One of the younger girls at the restaurant table asked,
“Why’d you go? That sounded really groovy.”
Millie continued by saying, “It was, but a girl named
Bernice, she was from Belgium, she and I had gotten to
be real close and when she invited me to go with her
and her boyfriend to commune in the south of France, it
The same girl interrupted again, “You and her and her
boyfriend? Sounds like you were real close.”
Millie just gave a wry smile and said, “Yea, she wasn’t
the jealous type and he was very nice looking.”
Brenda’s eyes must have visibly widened. She was doing
all she could to not look shocked that Millie was so
open about having sex with, evidently, a good many men,
and now she was clearly saying she had been intimate
with her friend’s boyfriend.
A girl who appeared to be the youngest at the table
commented, “But doing it behind her back?”
Millie defensively said, “Oh, I wouldn’t do that, we
never did it unless Bernice was there.”
Even Millie’s defense was even more shocking. Did she
do a manage-a-trios?
Evidently unaware of just how shocked Brenda was,
Millie blithely continued, “So, we go down to St.
Tropez, it was so pretty. It seemed that Bernice’s
boyfriend had a cousin who had rented an apartment for
the summer. I guess he didn’t ask if there was any room
for us, so we just slept on the floor. Fortunately I
met a guy the second day and hearing of my lack of
accommodations invited me to stay with him, so I did a
week. It was great, I’d never been on a topless beach
before and even though I’m no prude, it was strange at
first to go topless, but after just a few hours it was
no big deal.
“By the time Jacque left to go back to Paris, he asked
me to go with him but Bernice and I had already had an
offer to stay at an amazing villa just out of town with
a guy that she’d taken up with after her boyfriend had
to go back to Belgium. I guess I should say, Bernice
was very, very pretty and guys just flocked to her.”
Brenda thought it funny that Millie would say her
friend was pretty, as Brenda thought the same of
Millie. She had an olive complexion and features that
looked like a movie star’s. Not to mention her figure,
that from what she’d see would stop a man dead in his
tracks, all told if her friend was as pretty as Millie,
the two of them on a beach would have been… extremely
popular. And that would have been true even if they
weren’t evidently topless and quick to jump into bed
with just about anyone.
“So,” Millie went on, “we go to this Villa, and wow! It
overlooked the bay and had it’s own pool and
everything. The guy she took up with was the son of
some kind of industrial tycoon. I thought he was really
stuck on himself, but the place was really nice. I just
hung out at the pool for two weeks as often as not just
wearing just my bikini bottoms. There were lots of
people coming and going and it was like a rolling
party. On the second Tuesday we were there I met
Kenneth. He was so good looking and funny and smart
and…” she grinned wickedly “.. he had a great penis
that he really knew how to use.”
The other girls laughed. Brenda blanched.
“I fell hard” she said then looked around and
corrected, “OK, first I came hard, again and again,
then I fell for him. He was a law student at Columbia
and when he left to go back I went with him and moved
into his apartment. My parents freaked out but they
settled down when we got married that Christmas. Then
they freaked out again when we got divorced a year
She went on to tell how she’d moved in with her sister
after the divorce and that is what brought her to the
Dallas area. At first she was repelled by both Millie’s
politics and her lifestyle, but she was just so fun and
interesting, she and Millie soon spent every lunch
together and even some weekend activities as well. Thus
after her children went back to school after Christmas
break she and Millie spent several days together. It
was not that having time wither her lady friends was
something she hadn’t done over the years, but what was
new was that in all her time with Millie she was
developing an identity of her own, separate from being
a wife or mother, she was just Brenda. Not Mrs.
Johnson, not Will or Richey or Michelle’s mother, just
Brenda. It was new, exciting and more than a little
frightening at times.
The first time a guy tried to pick her up she was
clueless as to what was happening. It was after class a
few weeks after Christmas. Millie had taken her to a
bar just off campus. A BAR! She had never in her life
been in a bar. She didn’t even drink. She had only
tasted beer once and that was in high school. Sitting
drinking her Tab at a table, two men asked to sit with
them. They were very nice, but it wasn’t until one
asked her what she was doing latter that night that
poor naive Brenda realized he was hitting on her;
trying to pick her up, he thought she was available.
Despite the wedding ring, he thought she would go with
him. It shocked, infuriated and flattered her.
Millie had brushed them off with ease, but it was a
revelation to Brenda.
“I thought you were going to pass out,” Millie had said
once the men were gone “How long has it been since a
guy has tried to pick you up?”
Brenda just looked at her dumbfounded “Never.”
Millie had clearly been taken aback by her answer, but
kindly did not pursue the issue that day. Brenda, on
the other hand, began to think about a lot of things.
The next week her husband was out of town again from
Monday until Thursday. His job provided them a very
comfortable lifestyle, one far more affluent than how
she had grown up. However, the price was that her
husband, as he had promoted, traveled ever more.
A year ago he was promoted to Junior -Vice-President in
his company, he was now a real jetsetter, traveling the
world, or rather away from home, for 10- 15 nights most
months. After her evening shower, she stood in front of
the full length mirror and looked at herself: naked.
She tried to imagine what a man, not her husband, but
just a man, would think of her body. Millie had talked
about the topless beaches, and she had made reference
to the fact she had gone to a nude beach in the Bahamas
last year, but not elaborated. What would men think of
her 34 year old body if she were next to someone like
She looked at herself. She knew she’d always looked
young for her age. When she first went to college at 18
years old she’d still looked like she could have been
in Junior High. She had hated it then, but now, she
could see the upside. She slowly turned to look at
herself from all sides. The three kids hadn’t been
unkind to her. Her waist was not as defined as it had
once been, but she still fit easily into size 5 dresses
and slacks, a size 3, she thought, if she wore them as
tight as Millie did.
She slapped a thigh as she look at her rear quarter;
firm and only a hint of cellulite, again, not bad at
all. Her boobs, though not remotely as big as the girls
in her husbands Playboy magazines, were, she thought
nothing to be ashamed of. Sure they’d lost a little of
their fullness with nursing, but she had no regrets
about that. A solid 34C, but she knew, at a nude beach
she would not be confused with an 18 year old, but she
imagined she could get her share of looks. “Where did
that thought come from?” she asked herself aloud.
She ran her hands through her dark brown hair. She’d
begun letting it grow out even before she started back
to school, now it was beginning to cascade over her
shoulders. She was not bad looking, when she was in
high school, she’d been rather a wallflower, but with
maturity had come softening of her features to the
effect of generally improving her appearance. She still
was a long way from being a knock-out, but she
certainly was not homely either.
An angry scream came from the living room. One of the
kids was doing something to one of the other kids.
“Back to being a mother”. She pulled her night gown
over her head, followed by her robe and strode from the
room in full mama mode.
Two hours later the kids were asleep. Brenda slipped
off her robe, then very uncharacteristically, she let
her nightgown fall to the floor as well, and crawled
across the bed nude. The sheets were cool as she slid
across the top of the king sized bed. She went to the
far side, his side, and opened the drawer in his end
table. From it she took the top few magazines. June
(1974) and November Playboy, June’s Penthouse, June and
July’s. She slid under the cool sheets and opened the
This wasn’t the first time she had looked in her
husband’s magazines, but it was the first time she had
looked closely. The girls were young, pretty and all
had boobs much bigger than hers. She was very
interested in two photo layouts, one in the July
Penthouse and one in the June Playboy. Both were shot
outdoors. Mostly on deserted beaches, again she thought
of Millie on a nude beach, and imagined her self as
well. After perusing the photo spreads, she began
looking at the articles on modern sexuality. She read
the advice column from Xandra Hollender, and the
letters about their sexual exploits. It was more than
enough to keep her mind running after she put the
magazines back and turned off the light.
Lying on the big bed, under sheets her mind thought of
what it would be like to be with another man. To be
with a man in bed like the in the magazine stories, for
him to take time to warm her to his desires, to have
him stimulate her with is mouth and then to engage in
intercourse, not for the five minutes that was all her
husband had ever done, but to have sex long enough to
move from position to position, to have sex until she
felt as spent as he was.
As she thought her palms pressed into her thighs, her
fingers gripped the flesh and she pushed the hands down
her leg. The friction warmed her legs, though the
movement was slow. The tactile sensation was very
stimulating. She drew her hands up, still pressing into
her flesh enjoying the feeling of her skin being
pulled. Up the sides of her stomach, the two hands in
tandem inched up. She felt her ribs under the skin, the
softness of the outer edge of her two breasts. Her
palms rotated her fingers inward as they moved up her
When the heel of her hand was pressing in, just below
her armpits, her splayed fingers only floated on the
soft surface of her breasts themselves. The tips of her
fingers lighted on the raised surface of her areola and
the middle finger just touched the firm pencil eraser
sized crown of her nipple. An unexpected shiver shot
from her own touch and as it raced downward, brought a
contraction in her stomach and pelvis before settling
in her suddenly acutely sensitive clitoris. Reflexively
her buttocks tightened and her thighs in turn pulled
inward, putting more pressure on the suddenly alive
feeling in her crotch.
This also was not the first time she had ever touched
herself. As a girl she and explored those feelings on
several occasions, and then in the months between the
time she began dating and the night she lost her
virginity to the man who became her husband she had
again explored the pleasant sensations of touching her
breasts and pubic area.
When she began having sex, and after some time began to
realize that though it felt good, it nearly always left
her feeling empty, she had lost interest in seeking
those feelings. Who wants to be disappointed? She had
convinced herself, bolstered by the similar experiences
of her friends from church, that women who said they
were having deeply fulfilling sexual experiences were
either lying or sinfully depraved. That was why she had
not sought out the mysterious orgasm, or climax or
cumming of which she had heard.
That self satisfying belief was one of the things she
was finding herself questioning as of late. Now, having
become friends with a woman who’s life, who’s upbeat
and seemingly fulfilled life included regular, extended
sexual encounters with different men, and never had she
even hinted at the phony nature of sexual promise. In
fact on a number of occasions she’d refrained having
‘great sex’ or ‘a mind blowing orgasm’.
Was her friend Millie lying or depraved? She knew full
well that she was beginning to think she’d been duped.
She’d been let to believe sex was just for the man and
procreation, but what if there was some great
experience she’d never had? It was that thought that
caused to look at her body in a sexual way. It was that
thought that caused her to pull out the magazines. The
insistent tingle in her thighs was not new, but it was
more intense than she had felt in a very long time.
Slowly, she let her hands move up and over her breasts.
The sensitive tips now were being stimulated by the
ridges in her palm. She gripped the soft flesh and the
grip on the whole breasts, soon became a tight pinching
of her nipples. More shivers came. Her thighs were
pulled as tight as she could get them, her buttocks
lifted from the bed. With out fully thinking about it,
her right hand let go of the breast and covered her
vulva. She held it tightly, palm pressing the insistent
clitoris, and the fingers stretched out through her
pubic hair and curved with the same of her bottom, the
tips of her middle there fingers on the fleshy outer
lips. She gripped harder. Her clitoris became so
sensitive that it was almost painful and her middle
finger slipped down in between the lips of her labia.
She knew it was said women could masturbate, like men
did, until they climaxed, but she, until that moment
never understood what that meant. The feelings were
getting overwhelming, too intense, she couldn’t stand
it any longer and released her breast and vulva. She
was shivering as if she were cold. She was sure that
there was a female orgasm out there waiting for her,
but how to get there without going out of her skin that
was what she had to know.
The next day, Saturday, she and the kids went to the
book store. She and the kids loved the bookstore, but
she was on a new mission. After ensuring no one she
knew was in the store she knew, Brenda found a female
clerk and quietly asked her “Do you have The Joy of
Sex?” She knew of the book from something her sociology
professor had said one day. She clerk very matter-of-
factly said “Yes, we do and we also have the new More,
Joy of Sex.”
After only a momentary hesitation she told the clerk
she would take both books. So she went home with a new
Dr. Seuss book, a book about cowboys, a book about
space ships and two sex books. By Monday, even though
she hid them from her husband, she had read nearly all
of the first book.
On Monday, she could not wait to meet Millie after they
had finished registering for spring semester classes.
She didn’t even wait to get from the Administration
building to their favorite lunch spot just off campus
before starting “I know I’m going to sound like a
spinster from the fifty’s when I tell you this.” She
started “But I think I’m at some sort of turning point
in my life, but I just don’t know what to believe.”
She could tell she had Millie’s attention and sympathy.
Millie probably had an idea of what kind of issues
Brenda was speaking as she had hinted at these things
Brenda gathered her courage and went on as they walked
the nearly a mile distance to their eatery. It was a
sunny crisp morning and the walk was pleasant. “Is the
stuff I read about women having orgasms over and over
again real, or is it just the stuff of men’s fantasy?”
Millie visibly restrained her smile before speaking,
“Oh, the good Baptist girl has been thinking has she?
Or perhaps reading forbidden material?”
“Both,” Brenda answered and gave a brief description of
her experience Friday night and then told of the books
she had bought on Saturday. “In the book the author is
a man but writes authoritatively about women’s
“Yes,” Millie finally said. “I have the book and yes
it’s written by a man and yes he’s right. The book is
great. I have a signed copy.”
Though Millie was surely more interested in how she got
a sighed copy Brenda was on a mission. “So regular
women, like you, do those things?”
“What things, have sex?”
“I mean oral stimulation and using artificial penises,
have sex in lots of odd positions and things like
Millie stepped from the busy sidewalk to the grass and
stopped, turned to look at Brenda, “You’re kidding me
aren’t you? I mean it’s now 1974, not 1874, are you
really asking me if I have oral sex, use a dildo or do
it in ways other than the missionary position.”
Brenda just looked at her, her silence was her answer.
Millie burst our “Good God! You are serious. You really
are a total square.” She looked at Brenda quizzically
then grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back onto
the side walk, “Come on girl, we’ve got lots to talk
about. Way more than we can before our next class.” She
paused for a moment “And I’ve bee just yakking away
about my men, and all the time you acted calm, but in
reality you’d never heard anyone talk about sex like
“OK, first off, let me hear what sex is like for you?”
“Just sex,” Brenda said, the subject was embarrassing
on two levels. One she was in a public place, and
second because she felt like a total novice to a world
in which the younger woman was a master.
“What does that mean? Just sex?”
“Just sex,” Brenda repeated. “We go to bed, he gets on
top and puts his thing in and does his thing, then we
go to sleep”
As they walked Millie gave her a side ways glance, “And
does that do it for you?”
She thought about playing even more stupid than she
really was, but decided to answer directly, “No.”
“I guess not,” Millie said in response. “Do you ever
“Have an orgasm?” Brenda said rhetorically “No.”
“Even come close?” Millie said as soon as she’d
answered and before she could self censor Brenda said
“I almost did Friday night but it just got so intense I
stopped” with the last word she threw her hand to her
mouth, she couldn’t believe she’d just said that. She
had no intention of telling how she had masturbated,
but it just came out.
Millie was un-phased “Well, that’s a start. I guess you
don’t do that very often.”
Brenda just choked out “Never, not even a little since
I was a girl.”
“But Friday night you just decided to play with your
“I guess just hanging out with you. All the sex talk,
it just seems so natural to you.”
“Well it is natural,” Millie said. “What’s not natural
is a grown woman who thinks sex is just five minutes of
a guy getting off then it’s over”
“Five minutes when I lucky. Sometimes his done almost
as soon as he is in me.”
Millie voice showed true compassion, like she’d just
herd that someone mother had died “I’m so sorry for
you. I just can’t imagine what your life is like.” They
entered the restaurant and got their table. Once seated
and the waitress had left Millie said “It’s a good
start you almost getting off last week. Why again did
“It just got too intense, to sensitive. It went from
relaxing, to tense to almost painful. Is it supposed to
Millie smiled, “The French call it petite morte, or the
little death because just as you crest a really big
climax it really does feel like your goanna die. It
sounds like you were right on the brink. When you get
there, keep going. It’s like blowing a balloon up until
it pops, it gets really hard to do then “bam” it pops
all a sudden. But with an orgasm, that’s when it feels
so good and it’s like a wave rushing out from your
pussy to your whole body. Mmmm.” Millis paused,
apparently caught up in her own description.
Brenda thought about what she said “I guess I was
almost there, but I should have kept going”
Millie nodded, “Yea, I think you were just about there.
After you can get yourself off regularly, you can teach
your man how to do it for you. I guess I was cumming
regularly by the time I turned 15. Of coarse you will
need to teach your husband from scratch. Of coarse it
would be a lot easier to set you up with one of my
It was Brenda’s turn to laugh, “Yea, right.”
Millie repeated earnestly, “I’m serious. I’ve got a
couple of guy friends who are very talented in the sack
and would be more than happy to spend some time with
With an emotional jolt Brenda realized she meant it.
She was suggesting she commit adultery. She had worried
she might be on a slippery slope even taking about
these things, but that idea was a cliff not a slope.
Inwardly her basic instinct was to be offended and
shocked by the idea, but she made herself focus on the
truth that Millie was truly trying to be nice and
helpful. And though it would take her several weeks to
admit it to herself, she really did envy Millie and her
sexual freedom. With a calmness that belied the tremor
in her soul she said “I don’t think I could do that.
But thanks for the offer”
“I won’t push you, but let me know if he doesn’t come
They went on through the lunch Brenda posed ever more
explicit questions that Millie was all to eager to
answer. They didn’t share any Tuesday-Thursday classes
so it was Wednesday before she saw Millie after Pre-
Columbian American Paleontology. The first thing Millie
said was “Dr. Harris is a fox. I’m going like this
class” before asking “So, how’s my student doing. Have
you made it to the big O yet?”
“No,” Brenda said, rather down about it. “Mike is in
town and I couldn’t let him catch me doing that.”
“I’d die and he’d….. well I don’t know what he’d do.”
“He’d get off on it,” Millie said incredulously “It is
the rare man that doesn’t get off on seeing a woman
playing with herself. Unless he’s got a Madonna/whore
complex going on he’s going like watching”
“A Madonna/whore complex?”
“Yea,” She said. “Some men put women into two
categories, they are either totally non-sexual like the
Holy Madonna, the eternal virgin, Mary mother of Jesus
to you Baptist; or the woman is consumed with depraved
sexual desires like a whore. Men like that never see
their wife as being sexual and have only the most
cursory sexual relations. To be honest, relations like
you and your husband’s”
“Yea,” Brenda agreed. “I can see that. Mike and I
didn’t have sex until our wedding night, and even then
it was with the lights out and under the covers”
“Does he buy you sexy stuff from Fredrick’s of
“NO!” Brenda said before even thinking. Perhaps that
was what was going on. “How do they treat other women,
that aren’t their holy wife I mean?”
“They are the types that hire young secretaries with
big boobs and short skirts, go to strip bars when they
are on business trips, and of course screw any girl
Brenda thought, she did not like what it sounded like.
Mike has had a series of young pretty secretaries, but
as far as she knew he didn’t frequent strip bars nor
did he have affairs. As far as she knew. “If a guy like
that caught his wife being sexual, what would he do?”
“Well Dr. Franks, in my human relationships class
talked about it, That’s how I knew about all that. But
he said that it causes cognitive dissidence, what he
sees is in contrast to what he believes. Most men will
simply forbid the woman to do such stuff and if she
continues he will treat her like a whore, rather than a
Madonna. Some men, more modern open mined men, will
rethink their view of women, and see their wife can be
both sexual and respectable.”
Brenda just mulled over her friend’s words.
Millie added “You don’t even know if that is how your
husband sees things. He might just be a crummy fuck.”
They both laughed.
When Brenda came to class on Friday she was all beams
as she looked for Millie, but Millie didn’t show until
just as class started. The professor began but Brenda
wasn’t listening, she was focused on her success.
Discreetly, when Millie sat, she made her fingers in to
the shape of an O. Millie looked quizzically. She
didn’t get it. Brenda covered the front of her mouth
and mouthed “I had an orgasm last night”.
Millie’s eyes brightened and gave her friend a big
thumbs up and mouths, “Later, tell me latter.”
And so she did. Once again the talk to the Campus
Dinner was all about sex. But this time Brenda did the
talking. “Just like you said, I kept it up after I
thought I’d go out of my skin and sure enough, it came.
I came. It was amazing. How had I not done that before?
And I can do that while having sex?”
“It depends,” Millie said. “I occasionally come when a
guy is in me, but for me the fucking is what gets me
most ready to have my partner go down on me, or to get
myself off. If the guy is good, getting head is much
better, but if he’s not it’s just distracting.”
Brenda heard with new ears. Like she’s been let into a
secret club and now she knew the coded language. She
wondered what it was like to have a man give her oral
sex. The books seemed to take it for granted that men
do that, but Mike had never kissed lower than her
nipples. Millie’s offer from earlier in the week popped
into her mind. She shocked her self when she thought
about taking up Millie on her offer to have sex with
one of her guy friends. He skin tingled, especially in
her groin at the thought. But, NO, she could not really
think about that. She changed the subject, sort of.
“Millie?” She asked. “I told you that Mike gets it done
in like three minutes. Sometimes less, it’s like he’s
done before I really feel him in me. How long do your
boyfriends do it.”
“Again it depends, and some guys are so intense I
wouldn’t want to go for hours. Making love to, like
Stephen, well he’s hung like a mule and he’s very
athletic after thirty or forty-five minutes with him
I’m done. My pussy hurts and I am fully spent. On the
other hand, I had a lover a few years ago who could
keep it up and going till dawn. But he was slow and
gentle. We would kiss and hold and just be together
sometimes he was in me other times I just felt him on
my thigh. When we would finally go to sleep I was
completely satisfied, but in a different way. Aside
from quickies, which still last a lot longer than your
used to, a guy worth bedding a second time will give an
hour or so, give or take.”
“An hour? I couldn’t imagine.” But she was imagining,
the idea of meeting Millie’s friends had taken lodge.
Brenda’s next step into this unknown future was going
shopping with Millie two weeks later. Mike was home and
she, uncharacteristically, told him he needed to watch
the kids and she was going shopping with a friend from
school. She could tell he was a bit surprised, and
would have been down right shocked that under her light
jacket and knit top, she was not wearing a bra. She
hadn’t been outside with out a bra since she was 13. It
was, not exactly sexy, but she felt daring and more
than a little bit wicked and exposed. She didn’t take
the jacket off except to try on clothes but she still
They went to Foleys, the department store from which
Brenda usually shopped. Millie guided her away from the
women’s section to the juniors where she snapped up
some skirts a good six inches shorter than anything
Brenda had in her closet. Millie unnerved her when she
followed Brenda into the dressing room. Brenda was
acutely embarrassed as she pulled off her blouse to
expose her bare breasts, but hid the feeling under a
bravado she hoped would fool Millie. For Millie’s part
she didn’t bat an eye when Brenda was nearly completely
naked. She did comment “If your going to wear
underwear, which you should consider not doing, you’ve
got to get something a little less… less, matronly.”
Leaving the store she had purchased, a pair of double
knit hip hugger slacks, two mini-skirts, two mini-
dresses, three blouses and a pair of black boots, and
six pair of very brief bikini panties. From Foleys
Millie took her to Henry’s Jean Scene and there she got
three pairs of, incredibly tight, hip hugger bell
bottom Levis. Trying them on she understood why Millie
objected to the underwear she was wearing, it came up
three or four inches higher than the waist band of the
jeans. There they got finally they went to the most
dingy store Brenda had ever entered. It was called The
Purple Haze and it sold both hippie type clothes and
was Brenda could only guess was drug paraphernalia.
Here she just let Millie shop. She didn’t even try
anything on, which was just as well since she didn’t
relish the idea of undressing in that place. They left
with four blouses, well not really blouses, halter tops
really, all short enough to leave skin exposed from
just below her breast to just above her waist band, and
two of them would likely give less coverage than if she
were wearing only one of her Playtex bras. She also had
a cache of miscellaneous jewelry and accessories.
Arriving home, she left everything in the back of her
’72 Buick Estate Station Wagon knowing her husband
would not be observant enough to realize he brought
nothing in the house.
It was Monday after the she’d dropped the kids off at
Pope Elementary School that she took the bags from the
car. She didn’t have time to try on any of the outfits;
however Tuesday, as she only had one Tuesday-Thursday
class, she was able to give herself a fashion show
putting together different outfits using the new
wardrobe. She liked the look, very mod; very not
Baptists mommy, showing lots of skin.
It was a week before she had the courage to try out the
new things and even then she wore the green mini-dress
with opaque tights underneath and a loose jacket
disguising the fact she’d not worn a bra. She had
chosen this one because it was the longest of the new
skirts or dresses, and even still it was a full 6
inches above her knee cap.
She was very self conscious, especially when she’d
removed the jacket as soon as she entered the classroom
building. It wasn’t that she was overly warm, but she
was pushing herself. Otherwise the jacket would have
stayed on all day, as it had when then went shopping.
The green dress was very pretty, and although it was
the longest in the hem, but it was of a very light wool
that draped perfectly over her body. Too perfectly, it
flowed like water over her ever moving bare breasts and
even displayed visible crowns over her nipples. Too
exposed; she was about to put her jacket back on when
Peggy, one of her twenty year old friends, said “You
look great” not half-way across the foyer. She couldn’t
back out now,
Even before class started, she received more than a few
compliments. Was she that much of a prude? She must be
or no one would notice. Today she was dressed like
many, if not most, of the young women in class. She
didn’t hear much of the lecture. She was much too
wrapped up in her own conflicting feelings and self-
evaluation. Was she wrong to dress this way. Certainly
the ladies at church would say so. Was this some trick
of Satan, luring her into a life of fleshly desire?
She’d been masturbating every day before Mike came home
from work and on the nights when he was out of town.
She read and reread the stories in his magazines and
spend hours naked in her bed exploring all the feelings
in her body. It took just a few days before orgasms
came easily and she’s moved to two and three in a
night. Was this enlightenment or a trap? And then there
were her fantasies, drawing from Millie’s stories and
the stories in the magazine. She dwelled on thoughts
that a few months ago would have repelled her. And it
was those thoughts that brought the best and strongest
climaxes. Those fantasies also brought frustration and
disappointment at her husband’s twice weekly momentary
bouts of sexual activity.
Over the next few weeks she tried out others of her
outfits to ever growing compliment from her classmates.
In Dallas, March brought warm spring weather, so she
was able to try out all the new outfits, even the
abbreviated halter tops. And the guys, she was getting
looks, interested looks from guys more than ten years
her junior. And most surprising of all, she wasn’t
shocked or offended. She even found herself playing up
to it; buttoning up one less button on her blouse,
letting the short skirt ride up her leg even higher,
and most significantly she began to talk, and flirt
with some of them.
It was a beautiful warm late March day. Brenda and
Millie and a young girl named Jennifer and her semi-
boyfriend Bill all had planned a picnic after class on
the campus lawn. Brenda had worn a pair of her hip-
hugger jeans and the red print halter top that was
little more than a thin fabric bikini top, her cleavage
spilling out of the top. After class she’d undone the
two button and now it was held together only by the tie
below her bust.
Not to be outdone, Millie wore a very short denim mini-
skirt and yellow tube top that seemed to slide lower by
the minute. They spread the blanket and pulled out the
contents of their several paper bags. It was all very
idyllic. She was still experiencing more parts of a
world she had never seen before. When Jennifer pulled a
joint from her purse and lit up, it seemed so normal.
She’d seen people smoking pot right in the open on
campus quite a bit. Again what a change in her
Millie took a big drag and after exhaling said “I must
say Brenda that outfit looks great on you. I did good
picking it out.”
“Yea, you did. My new wardrobe seems to suite the new
me,” she replied.
“Ah, the new you, does the good Christian husband of
yours know about the new you?”
“Well,” she said before taking a second drag and
passing the joint. “You should give him a chance to
reform before you start fucking around.”
Brenda knew she’d been hinting that her resolve against
committing adultery was weakening by the day, but she
didn’t know she’s been that obvious.
“What makes you think I’m about to start doing that?”
Rather than answering Millie looked over at Jennifer
and Bill “Do you think she’ll make it through spring
break faithful to her boring husband?”
Bill holding the joint said “If she doesn’t do it with
one of your guys first, I’m sure she’ll knock heels
with Tommy Connors the first time they get alone.” He
looked directly at Brenda “and you know it”
She knew full well he was right, but wasn’t about to
admit it. Tommy was one of their classmates who
frequently ate lunch with Millie, Brenda and their
crew. She liked him and they flirted quite a bit. She’d
made repeated “joking” comments hinting that she would
like to make it with him. And in the last week he’d
become the focus of much of her daily self pleasuring.
Yes, she knew it was true, given a privet room and some
time she would do it with him, but she was not going to
admit such. “No I won’t”
Millie said, “You don’t think so?”
“No, I’m sure so” Brenda lied.
She could Millie thinking. “OK, if you’re so sure of
yourself, when is your husband out of town next?”
Brenda didn’t like this line of talk, but she was
committed “He leaves Monday morning. He’ll be gone
until Wednesday. Why?” though she knew why she was
“Jennifer can you baby-sit her kids for a couple hours
“OK, its set. We’ll have dinner at my place. Tuesday
“Who is we?” Brenda demanded.
“Me, you, Bill and Tommy.” Millie looked to Jennifer “I
can barrow Bill can’t I?”
“He’s not my boyfriend, do what you like with him.”
“Good, then it’s set.”
Between that moment on Friday and the moment she’d
arrived at Millie’s door on Tuesday, she’d been a
nervous wreck. Facing a decision she only fantasized
about, was she ready? She didn’t know. What she did
know was that she began masturbating and fantasizing
multiple times each day. Mike even asked if she was
sick because she kept disappearing into the bathroom.
She couldn’t relax enough to climax when Mike was home,
well at least when he was awake, she, on Saturday
nights slipped out of the master bedroom and imagined
it was Tommy touching her as she lay on the living room
couch, until she had climaxed not fewer than four
Monday at lunch Millie was cruel by making sure Tommy
was invited to lunch with them. She tried to be funny
and flirtatious but it just seemed so forced. The
sexual tension inside of her was so strong she felt
constricted of air. She was glad when she had to go to
her next class. That night she had to take a sleeping
pill or she would have never gotten to sleep, even
after a hour and a half of on and off masturbation.
She straightened her dress. It was a blue and white
halter min-dress. Millie had insisted that for an event
like this she should not wear panties, but there was
just no way. She might know she would likely commit
adultery tonight, but she was not about to do that.
Millie opened the door of her apartment. She looked
fabulous. In contrast to her usual bohemian look, she
wore what appeared to be a pale yellow silk blouse,
very low cut displaying a generous amount of her
breast. She matched the blouse with an extremely short
blue miniskirt with brass buttons on either side, again
her lovely olive skin was in ample abundance. The
outfit was finished off with yellow pumps. Every hair
in place, make up (which she had never seen Millie
wear) she looked like she’d stepped off a Cosmopolitan
“I clean up good don’t I?” Millie said inviting her in.
Millie showed off many talents of which Brenda had no
The small apartment was richly decorated with a mix of
avant-garde hippy art and a number of classical pieces.
Brenda had expected something far more Spartan.
Her Italian dinner was amazing. She played the hostess
brilliantly keeping the conversation moving, and just
racy enough to be scandalous in it’s own right. Millie
poured Brenda a glass of red wine, though she knew
Brenda had never been a drinker. “You’ll like this,
it’s made near the Villa where I spent a summer in
France. It’s very fruity and just a bit sweet.”
Brenda’s hesitation was only in her mind. Outwardly she
joined in the toast and took her first sip of wine. The
taste wasn’t as bad as she’d expected, but it felt like
cough syrup going down as the warmth radiated from the
liquid as she drank.
After dinner she ushered the guests from the table to
the sofa/loveseat sitting area and she proceeded to
serve cheese cake and coffee. Sitting next to Tommy on
the love seat she could clearly see how short Millie’s
skirt was. When she even bent over slightly the base of
the curved buttocks was visible. She suspected that
Millie had taken her own advice and not worn anything
under her clothes. Her suspicion was confirmed when
Millie sat, the skirt rode up for a moment and her
pubis was plainly visible. Granted she did pull her
skirt back down, but not in any great hast and when
ever she moved she would again be momentary exposed to
both she and Tommy.
She didn’t think she’d be taken aback as she was,
especially since she had told Brenda to do the same. At
first it seemed crass and just too much, but as the
conversation wend on and she found herself captivated
by the game of pee-a-boo she understood the purpose. If
she was that intrigued, any man would be under her
spell. She wondered if the peek she was giving of her
red panties was anything remotely as captivating as the
show Millie was putting on. She doubted it.
After half an hour she worked up the courage. She
excused herself and went to the restroom where she
removed her panties and put then in her purse, then
returned to the living room; though she was not so
eager, once back in the room, to show Bill her goods as
Millie was to show Tommy. After all, she’d see him
In the time she was gone the talk had gotten distinctly
more sexual in nature. Bill was talking “…and the
jizz sprayed everywhere,” the others laughed. Millie
looked up at Brenda, “Ah, your back.”
Brenda sat cautiously. She was acutely aware of the
skirt riding up as she bent down to sit. Neither Millie
or Bill gave any reaction though the cool air told her
that she was exposed.
After some more sexual talk Millie stood and motioned
to Brenda to talk to her on the side. She said “If you
don’t mind Bill and I are going in my room so I can
take Jennifer up on her offer to let me use him as I
She turned to Bill and then seemed to have a second
though. Loud enough for all to hear she said, “Rather
this, Bill and I will stay here and you two can use my
room to get to know each other better.”
Brenda just stood next to the love seat, this was the
moment of truth.
Millie looked at her not moving. “OK, suite yourself,
you are free to stay and watch. I’m sure it will be a
show worth seeing.”
With that she hiked her skirt up to her waist,
completely exposing herself, and straddled Bill who was
still sitting on the couch. She looked back at Brenda
and pulled the tube top over her head with a jerk.
Millie’s breasts were surprisingly full and round with
tiny brown, not pink, erect nipples. She sat there a
moment, now nearly completely naked looking at Brenda,
then turned his attention back to Bill and began to
kiss him with energy.
Brenda just stood there as they kissed like desperate
lovers, rather than the simple friends they were. It
was sex without love or even lust, just sex for fun.
She looked down at Tommy, who was obviously waiting for
her to act. She looked back at Millie and Bill, he had
her nipple in his mouth. She initially just enjoyed
then turned her head once more to Brenda. Her eyes
clearly said that this was time to act or call it off.
Brenda looked to Tommy, offered her hand and they went
to the bedroom and shut the door behind them.
The room was not large, a double bed and dresser. A
psycodelic painting and an abstract nude graced the
walls. She led him to the bed and he said. She stood in
front of him. Like she had seen her friend she moved to
straddle him, though she only hiked her skirt up enough
to spread her legs wide enough to stand on her knees
with his hips between her thighs. With nothing behind
him, he fell to the bed, she now was sitting on him,
looking down. As her weight settled she could feel the
firm ridge of his penis under her. His jeans pressed
directly on her sensitive lips. The intensity of that
simple act, not even his flesh touching hers was enough
to cause her to physically shutter.
She took a deep breath and ever so slowly rotated her
hips. The rough denim caused both discomfort and
arousal, intense arousal. She closed her eyes and just
felt. She was on another man’s penis and it was
exciting. She savored the feeling as the Joy of Sex
book said to do. Her hands coursed up her body as if
they were a separate entity. She held her breasts
outside the fabric. It was all so satisfying. Her
arousal was building, she was sure she could climax
just doing this. She had worked her lips around the
denim covered shaft and by leaning forward she brought
just enough pressure on her clitoris. She would
Her blissful bubble of self pleasure on Tommy’s body
was punctured when Tommy’s hands greedily grabbed her
to pull her down to kiss him. This was a rude surprise.
In her nearly a month of sexual self exploration she
had always been the one doing everything, at her pace.
Now Tommy was urgent, insistent. Her arousal that had
been building steady for days was washed away. Now she
just felt cheep and used. And besides, the denim was
chaffing her sensitive inner lips. She repositioned
herself to more or less lying on his chest.
She kissed him back, but only as a means of giving
herself time to think. He could kiss. It was pleasant.
She felt her body begin to respond. But no, she would
not do this tonight. She knew that then as if it were
written in stone. There would be no adultery, but she
would enjoy the kissing and she let him fondle her
breasts, though he was better at kissing.
She did not want to have sex with him, not tonight at
least, but she also did not want to hurt his feelings.
She had led him to believe they would have sex. The
book had the answer, and it was indeed something she
did want to try.
She broke his kiss and rolled off him. Her hands felt
for the snap on his jeans. She sat up to unzip him.
With deliberate precision she folded the two sides of
the open fly back. Beneath was a pair of white briefs,
the clear shape of the penis was even more evident with
the heavier denim gone.
“Help me with this,” she whispered and she, like she
had taken the pants from her boys where they were
little, pulled the jeans down when he lifted his
buttocks from the bed. She then took the waist band of
the briefs. He lifted again and his penis and scrotum
were full in view. He was perhaps a little bigger than
her husband, but in the years they had been married she
had not ever looked so intently at Mike’s penis, in the
light, as she was looking at young Tommy’s.
It was fully engorged, standing up a few inches from
the his pelvis. She took it in her right hand. It was
hot, and indeed it was thicker than Mike’s but no
longer. She caressed it with both hands, gently the
same way she caressed her breasts.
“That’s nice,” Tommy said in a breathy voice.
She was glad to hear she was doing well, but did not
respond. She was preparing herself for the unknown. The
book clearly indicated that oral sex was a normal and
enjoyable part of sex, but to her his was so alien.
She swiveled her body onto the bed, up on her elbows
looking down at his crotch. With deliberation she
lowered her mouth to the pink tip. Looking at it she
knew she would have no problem putting it in her mouth,
it was no bigger than a fudgesicle.
The kids had been grateful but surprised at their
mother’s sudden interest in fudgesicle’s, and amused by
her funny way of licking it by putting the entire thing
in her mouth at once. She’d always been able to eat
fast with out gagging and the last few weeks ‘eating’
fudgesicles had simply confirmed what she thought when
she read The Joy of Sex and its discussion of putting a
man’s penis in a woman’s mouth.
She treated it not unlike a popsicle, she ran her
tongue up and down the shaft slowly, tasting it’s
flavor and taking in the scent. It was highly erotic
and every bit as exciting putting her mouth on this
penis as she had imagined it would be.
Her lips kissed the shaft upward until they crested the
sponge like head. She slowly opened her mouth and began
to take him into her body. To her, this seemed so much
more personal and sexual than having Mike’s penis jab
into her for a few moments before shooting out semen.
She mused that already this was the longest lasting
sexual experience in her life. She drew the shaft out
after it was half way in, leaving it slick with her
saliva. She had an instinctive urge to press her lips
on the head and suck hard, this elicited a moan from
Tommy. She repeated and then was aware of an unusual
taste. Not bad, not good, just unusual. She was sure
this wasn’t his ejaculation, so it must be something
that comes before that.
She relaxed mouth, and lowed down on to him again. With
very little difficulty she felt his coarse pubic hair
on her lips. She had him all the way in. She held him
there, enjoying, savoring a man fully in her, yet she
not he was in charge. This would not be a one time
event. She was sure she would do this again.
She began to with a steady rhythm stroke him with her
mouth. Relax on the way down, press and suck on the way
up. Long languid, unhurried, she continued, for how
long she did not know, but she was surprised when hip
hips bucked up at her and into her mouth several long
burst of semen shot from the object of her enjoyment.
There really wasn’t all that much of it and though she
knew he’d climaxed, she was not ready to relinquish her
pleasure. Not even breaking her rhythm, she simply had
another unusual taste in her mouth. Not exactly like
the earlier taste, but similar.
Maybe it really did taste better, maybe it was just her
feeling of success, but she thought this was a pleasant
experience to have his sperm in her mouth. She
swallowed most of it on the next up stroke but she
could taste it until he had deflated to the point he
could not hold it rigid.
She rolled over, onto her knees and pulled her dress up
over her head and lay back down, her head on his
stomach and with out discussion began to masturbate. It
was different not being alone, more focused, and as she
had become fully aroused again well before he had
ejaculated it did not take long for her to have an
orgasm so strong her body shook like she was having a
seizure. When it was past, she was done. One was all
she needed and one was all she could do.
Tommy became active before she was ready. Evidently he
was hard again and ready to continue. She was done
though. As kindly as she could she said “That was
great, but I’m done for now.” And she stood and pulled
her dress back over her head before opening the door.
On the floor on the in front of the couch was Millie on
all fours, with Bill behind her, covered with sweat,
stroking for all he was worth. I looked just like one
of the drawings in her book. She knew she should be
embarrassed, but she wasn’t, she was intrigued to see
how it is done in person. She watched his hands
gripping her waist with obvious intensity. His arms,
shoulders and abs all were in strenuous motion and the
resultant effort had brought up a glistening coat of
sweat that made his body shine.
With each stroke all the way in, she watched Millie’s
thighs push back into his incoming thrust to make an
impact hard enough to fill the room with a resounding
snap as their bodies collided. The collision caused her
big breasts to jump forward and drive out a small
breath from Millie’s lungs. Bits of sweat flew from
both of their bodies and the their intensity filled the
room. All told it was a much more athletic and a more
violent vision of sex than she had ever imagined.
She stood watching for some time. She assumed neither
Millie nor Bill knew she was watching, but without
prior acknowledgment of her presence, Millie said, “How
was Tommy?” Only then did she, motion for Bill to stop,
looked up and smiled. Bill sat back against the side of
Now Brenda was embarrassed, she’d been watching her
friend have sex like some lecherous old man. She began
moving toward the door on the other side of the room.
Walking, she said, “Really, good. A real eye opener.”
Millie stood and met Brenda at the door. For a reason
she could not explain, now she was very embarrassed.
Her friend pulled the door open, while still completely
nude. Bill, another friend, sat against the side of the
couch, equally naked, with his full erection very
visible. She’s just implied she’d had sex with Tommy,
though she had not. She just wanted to leave. She was
sure her face showed that to Mille.
“We’ll talk tomorrow,” Millie said with a voice of
“OK,” Brenda replied and was out of the apartment.
She was filled with conflicting thoughts and emotions.
Was she such a different person than the one who she
had been the first 33 years of her life. She knew, with
certainty she would be in bed with other men. She was
also sure this was the last time she’d be with a man
and not have full sex. What did that mean? Was she
depraved, or had she been deprived? She didn’t have any
She was glad the kids were not down when she got home,
so she did not have to say anything to Jennifer other
than a vague reference that she’d had a very good time,
which was indeed true.
The next day at lunch, Millie, Jennifer and Bill
pounced, and evidently news traveled fast because the
big round table was filled with an additional three
girls from their rotating lunch group.
Jennifer stared right off, “OK, what happened last
night. You said it was great but Bill says Tommy said
you guys didn’t do it.”
Fortunately Brenda wasn’t blindsided, Millie had told
her as much as they walked and she had given herself
the ten minute walk to compose an answer. She arranged
took a bite of her burger and deliberately made the
others wait until she’d swallowed. “I guess his
definition of doing it and mine are a bit different.
And it hurts me that he seems to say I was not worth
remembering, but at the time he seemed to be enjoying
himself.” Her hurt was a bit over played as Millie had
mentioned that he was very complimentary about what she
had done, but he had noted that they did not have
Bill jumped in, “Oh, he went on and on about the most
amazing head he’d ever had.”
“Really?” she replied. “What did he say?”
“He said your deep throat was like nothing he’d ever
“Deep throat? Like Bernstein’s source at the White
House?” she inquired. She thought she had an idea of
what the term meant in this case, but compliments of
her sexual skill was something she wanted to hear.
“Like the X-rated movie,” Jennifer explained. “Taking a
guy’s dick all the way in your mouth; most girls can’t
do it. I’ve only done it once and that was on this guys
in high school who had the littlest dick I’d ever
Darleen, the pretty blond who had joined them for
lunch, added, “I can assure you he is not small.” A few
laughs later Jennifer said, “Did you really take it all
in over and over like he said?”
“Isn’t that how I was supposed to do it?” Brenda asked,
a bit surprised she had done something unusual.
Darleen again spoke up, “If you can, it’s super groovy.
But, a guy that size rarely has a girl that can do it
even once to him. I couldn’t.”
Millie cut in, “Why don’t you just tell us what
She had rehearsed this part in her mind, “When, we went
into your bedroom we kissed for a while, then I took
down his pants. His penis was very nice looking. Not
that I’ve seen very many.” That line got the laughs she
was hoping to get “I got it all wet by kissing and
licking then I did what I thought was normal, but I
guess from what your saying it isn’t. I put it all in
my mouth. I really liked the way I could feel and taste
it. And when I stared having sex with him that way it
was like nothing I’d ever done before. I could feel
every response he made. I was more involved and in
control that I ever have when my husband lies on top of
me and puts it in my pussy.” That word was not in her
normal vocabulary but she was trying to sound hip.
Jennifer asked, “Now when you say you had sex that way,
what do you mean? I don’t think your using the same
words we use.”
“Oh,” Brenda said. “I just meant that I started taking
almost all of it out of my mouth, then going down till
it was all the way in: like we were having regular sex,
but in my mouth. Like I said, I really liked doing
that, and I could tell he did too.”
“I bet he did,” Tommy agreed. “If you want a second
try, I’m right here.”
Jennifer elbowed him “Normally girls just do the top
half or so that way. I don’t think I know anyone who
can do the whole thing.”
The others at the table nodded in agreement.
“Well, after a while did start doing it that way. I
just couldn’t do it fast when I took it all in, so as I
sped up I took less in. By the time he climaxed I was
going really fast but just doing the top part.”
“What did you do when he came?” Vicky, a tall athletic
red head, asked
“I kept it up. I was enjoying myself, why should I quit
just because he squirts.”
“But what did you do with the stuff?” the red-head
“I didn’t do anything with it. There wasn’t all that
much. I guess I swallowed a good bit of it right off,
the rest I just kept in my mouth to add to the fun. Was
that unusual too? I mean the book seemed to indicate
that was normal to enjoy the taste and let it last.”
Millie added to the others “She’s been reading The Joy
of Sex.” Then to Brenda she said “For some women, like
me, yea, its normal. But for women coming from your
background I guess it’s just a bit of a surprise.”
Was she wanton? Was she some sort of harlot in waiting?
Was she like someone who was predisposed to being an
alcoholic having their first bender? Even more of a
concern was that she wasn’t sure she cared.
It was two weeks before she again had opportunity to
have sex, real full sex, with someone other than her
husband. This time Mike had the kids and she’d gone to
a study- night before an exam in her Pre-Columbian
Culture and Religion course. There were four of them
that came to study in the apartment that red-headed
Vicky shared with her boyfriend. The other two girls
left after two hours of serious work, but Vicky asked
Brenda to stay for some wine (for which Brenda had also
developed a taste), with she and her boyfriend Kevin.
When she began to leave Vicky asked casually “Do you
have time for some play time with me and Kevin. In bed
I mean, play with us in bed.”
She was taken completely off guard, and flattered.
Vicky was young and pretty and her boyfriend was
extremely handsome. She felt her body respond, saying
yes nearly immediately. But her mind still had to
process this. Was she ready to have sex with this man
while Mike was at home babysitting? It seemed different
with him at home rather than in some distant part city.
“Wow, I’m flattered. I really sounds tempting,” she
said with genuine appreciation for the offer, but still
buying time to think.
She downed one more swallow from the bottom of her wine
glass. He was really attractive, but she looked to the
clock it was past 8:00. She assured Mike she would be
home by 8:00 to put the kids to sleep. “Damn the time.”
She rarely cursed but she really did want Vicky to know
she wasn’t blowing off her offer. “I really, I mean
really, would love to take you up on your offer, but
I’ve got to get home to get the kids in bed. My husband
is a good provider, but not much of a babysitter. Can I
take a rain check on that offer, next time we can just
cut the study time short?”
At 3:00 AM that night, she found herself stretched out
on the couch masturbating while her husband slept. She
imagined all the things she would do with Vicky and her
boyfriend. Millie had spoken of manage-a-trios in
positive terms on several occasions. Now Brenda
climaxed three times imagining one.
Though she had several other rather explicit offers for
sex over the next few weeks a rolling case of strep
throat at home brought her mommy role back to the
forefront. It was the second week in April when she
finally became the adulteress. It had been raining
progressively harder all morning and she had parked on
the far parking lot. By the time class let out the rain
was coming in sheets. Billy offered to get his truck
and pick her up at the door of the classroom building
and driver her to her car. Even as she slid onto the
bench seat of his old Ford pick-up, she visualized
herself going down on him.
When they found her car and he pulled the old truck in
an open space two cars from her own, the rain was
coming harder than ever. Less than half joking she
asked leaning over toward him “And what can I do for
you to show how much I appreciate this?”
“I don’t know” he said running his hand across his
crotch “I’m sure there is something you could do”
She was afraid her hands would tremble and give away
her nervous anticipation as she reached and placed her
hand on the bulge in his Levis. She was not surprised
to find the shaft below very firm. “and will Jennifer
object if I give you a very personal thank you?”
“Other than the fact she really wants to see how you do
it, she want mind.” He said and began unbuckling his
Without further words she helped him take off his pants
and underwear. For a second time, she held a penis in
her hand and considered how to make love to it. He had
wedged himself against he door and seat giving her
better access to his lap. It was rather dark and the
rain on the roof was making a steady din. The head of
his penis was bigger than Tommy’s had been . She
wrapped her lips around it and suckled gently. Her hand
felt up and down the shaft.
She thought about licking it as she had Tommy’s but
given her cramped quarters that was not possible.
Instead she just took it slowly down in her mouth. As
it was dry, it took several warm up rounds to get
enough saliva on it to take it all the way in. As
before, she let herself focus all her being on the act
of taking the penis in her body. He tasted and smelled
a little different. She wondered would every man be
different or were there like categories of penises.
She took her time. Her arousal build as her head moved
up and down in Billy’s lap. His enjoyment was evident
in his vocalizing, but he made no effort to rush her.
She soon tasted the spittle coming from the tip of the
shaft. She wished she was on a bed so she could get
naked and try to get herself off while she did him.
That was not possible and she would not let this day go
without feeling him between her other lips.
The rain had slacked some when she rose up and kissed
him. She sat up and pulled her bottom off the seat, and
slid her panties off under her mini-skirt. She wasn’t
sure exactly how she would do this but she rolled
around and used the gun rack as a handled to pull
herself up, knees in the seat facing the rear window.
With a little finesse she cleared the long shift lever
and pressed her stomach into his chest, with the
steering wheel at her back. With the left hand holding
the gun rack, she lifted the front of her skirt with
the right hand and reaching down, she found his penis.
It took a little work, but she soon could feel her
little lips wrapped around the big head. She closed her
eyes and concentrated on what was happening out of her
view, underneath her.
It took a combination of spreading her thighs, and
arching her back up against the steering wheel to press
his shaft into her. Once she was down to his thighs she
stopped and took in the moment. The quiet fullness was
oddly satisfying. She could see a few people scurrying
through the parking lot in the moderate rain. No one
seemed to take any notice of the blue truck or what was
happening inside to fog up the windows. She nuzzled
into the side of his head. “you feel good” she said in
She waned to move on him, but there just was not room.
She wanted to do this, but how?
After she just couldn’t make it work she leaned back
against the steering wheel so she could look him in the
face. “OK, I give up. How do you do this. I can’t
He smiled “I think your doing great. But here.” He said
indicating she should dismount. She did. He pulled his
pants from the floorboard and tossed them over her
shoulder “Put that on there and lay your head against
She lay back and he lifted her left foot until it
rested on the top of the bench sheet. Her right leg
spilled down toward the floorboard. The only time in
her life she’d been this exposed was for her
obstetrician. Rather than getting on top of her as she
expected, as her husband would have done, he knelt and
scooped her up, guiding his penis into her as she
lifted her hips up to meet his. With foot wedged
against the base of the floor mounted shifter as
leverage, he was able to begin and maintain a rhythm of
two or three inch deep strokes. Each one ending in the
same ‘smack’ he had heard him do to Millie.
The experience was like nothing she had imagined in her
endless hours of fantasy and masturbation in the past
months. Unexpected, but it was not disappointing. She
began counting the cadence. After fifty she finally
believed that he could and would keep this up as long
as he chose. From one corner of her mind came the first
thought that maybe her husband Mike also kept it up as
long as he chose, but only chose to do it for three
minutes at a time.
A loud crash of thunder and a nearly simultaneous burst
of light caused them both to jump; her up-right and he,
back to the far door. Their fright led to laughter and
their laughter to renewed passion. She never did
remember who initiated the removal of his and her
remaining cloths, but as their kisses and caresses
proceeded, they were soon both in the nude. She
delighted in stroking his penis with her hand as his
lips coursed over her bare breasts.
Somehow she knew it was the last act when she found
herself on her hands and knees, and Billy griping her
ass, pressing his organ back into her. It felt so good.
She knew couples did it ‘doggie’ but until his penis
began pressing up against the front wall of her vagina
she did not understand it’s special draw. She could
feel him take fell complete head to base revolutions.
She could exquisitely feel the ridge of the head first
push down on the sensitive fore-wall, then arc up
ending pressed right up onto her cervix. Unhurried, but
with out lethargy, he worked his tool in her.
Her eyes were closed and she was so close to a climax,
so close but just couldn’t make the final assent. No
matter; from her loins radiated an electric current
that ran to her toes, fingers and brain. It had taken
until she was in her thirties but she knew with out a
doubt, this was why people loved having sex. This was
the bliss she’d read about and she’d heard her new
friends describe. Yes, she had already learned to
climax, but this was the proper and full way of getting
Her nirvana like state was penetrated, not broken, but
penetrated by a bump she could feel on the door which
her left hand was propped to prevent her from hitting
her head each time Billy’s hips hit hers.
Her eyes opened but it took a moment for the vision to
make sense. Outside, the rain had significantly eased
and the clouds not so dark. A red Mustang had replaced
the blue van that had been there when she and Billy had
begun. When had the van left of the new car arrived?
The door of the new car was open against the door of
Billy’s truck. A man she did not recognized was just
standing beside the door. His eyes looked directly into
hers. He looked surprised, and then smiled, then he was
gone. Clearly he’d seen everything going on in the
truck’s cab. Even this intrusion did not break her
Billy on the other hand sped up his pace as soon as the
man had gone. In short order he felt him grip her
thighs very hard and hold himself all the way in her.
His hips still pressed but their bodies did not
separate until he fell backward, panting hard. She
stayed on all fours for a few moments imagining Billy’s
semen insider her: inside Mike’s private domain. It was
his private domain no longer. Her womb was hers to do
with as she wished. And today she’d wished to have it
filled with Billy’s seed. Though her body was still in
a state of arousal; her heart burst with pride and a
sense of accomplishment.
Sure, she was cold, uncomfortable and a little
embarrassed; but she was mostly proud of the fact she’d
actually gone through with it this time. Twice before
in the past month she’d had the opportunity and desire,
but she just couldn’t, but this time, this time she
would not go home feeling like a coward and a prude.
She hadn’t climaxed, but she’d deal with that before
the kids got home from school.
She was now a full member of the group. Every day from
the time the kids left in the morning until they came
home in the afternoon, she was a young, free woman.
Free to do what she wanted with whom she wanted to do
But, in all her new found confidence was a nagging
sense of guilt. By spring break she’s had that second
study session with Vicky, and the ensuing romp in the
bed with she and Vicky’s boyfriend. It was not the fact
she was now non-monogamous, but rather that she was
living a life of hypocrisy. In the evenings and
weekends and especially on Sunday’s she professed to be
something she was not, something she no longer believed
Was this the beginning of her life as a modern woman,
or was it the end of her life of quite happy stability?
Maybe it would be both, but she was now ready to grasp
her future with her own hands. Come what may, it would
be her decisions that brought success or failure, not
the whims of chance, the creed of the church or the
expectations of her community.